so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
