my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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