I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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