if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
