i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
