We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
