UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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