So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
