Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
