nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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