Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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