I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dignity is for republicans.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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