Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
