Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
