I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
