I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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