There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
