i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
