this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
