I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
