six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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