We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need a beard to bite.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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