apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
