If that was your dad, he is hot
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
