6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
