So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
