Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
