just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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