Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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