I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
