I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
