I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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