Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
