you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
