The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
