i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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