Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
