just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
