Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
