Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
