You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
