smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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