Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
