just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
