Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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