erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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