He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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