They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
