she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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