no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
