I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
