I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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