she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its not stalking. its research.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
