Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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