oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
