where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
