You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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