It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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