I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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