I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
