did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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