He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ttyl tear gas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
