Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
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