you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
