the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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