I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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