Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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