And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
