Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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