Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
