What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
