I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
