I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
