make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
