I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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