ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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