So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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